Big Sigh of Relief

We had the ultra sound yesterday. Everything is fine!

I could see both hemispheres of the brain, all four chambers of the heart and bones in the arms, legs, and hands. I could see kidneys, the placenta and umbilical cord, as well as individual vertebrae in the spine and all of the little ribs. The baby was swimming all around and even covering its face with its arm at one point.

They said that everything looked great structurally and size wise! Heart rate was steady and there was adequate blood flow in the umbilical cord. Yay!

I am fundamentally a worrier and so... I worry. I look at the plants in my house which are not doing so well and hope the baby has a better chance. I don't feel movement for a day and I worry. Hello, baby, are you still there? Yesterday the day started off with vomiting fluid, so I worried. (Even though I may be ready to come off this medicine, my body apparently is not! But taking the medicine beats being dehydrated and sick!) But the ultrasound was so reassuring, so comforting. And, oh so very real. That image there on the screen was undeniably, amazingly a wonderful, beautiful, healthy baby. Our baby!

Wow!

And today, one of my co-workers said I was glowing!

18 weeks!

My baby is apparently the size of a sweet potato! Slightly cuter than an onion! Feeling very pregnant these days. Tired, achy, searching for a toilet fairly frequently. Nervous for the ultra sound Wednesday but trying not to be.

Almost half way!

that awkward phase

Remember way back when your body was changing? When you started going through puberty? Do you remember feeling so self conscious about your body and not wanting anyone to notice any of those seemingly very obvious changes?

That is kind of where I am these days. I find myself increasingly self conscious about my changing body. I am seeking lose fitting shirts and "flowing" sweaters over them. I feel that I look more fat than pregnant. I suspect that if you saw me and did not know that I was pregnant that you would say I look like I have gained weight.

I probably have gained weight since my last doctor's appointment at the end of January. I am supposed to gain some wight, I am after all pregnant. I just have never been so aware of it, so uncomfortable.

4 more days until the ultrasound and then I see the midwife 2 days after that. Nerves are in full gear.

17 weeks

My baby is the size of an onion. I think describing the current size of the baby with common food items is helpful in creating a visual in my mind. But some of the foods are just not as cute as others. Like at the beginning, when it was a lentil or a peanut, or a few weeks ago when it was a lemon. Those cute things to imagine. But an onion?

It reminds me of a few years ago when Greg took me to a vegan bed and breakfast in VT that had the word "onion" in its name. To tell me of our upcoming trip he put an actual onion in my stocking. I did not necessarily enjoy eating onions at that time and did not get it. I held up the onion and the pictures show me making a face that clearly says: " what the heck do you want me to do with this?"

Anyway back to the present. Saturday Greg made heart shaped pancakes for breakfast and went to get veggie sushi for lunch. I love him! That evening we had tickets to a play at a local theater. The play started at my current bedtime, so despite several naps and a generally restful day, I was already tired when we got there. Then I had to contend with people and their smells. Perfume, hairspray, bathroom air fresheners, cologne and coffee brewed in the lobby and sold during intermission. Hello nausea, welcome back! Of course being tired and slightly uncomfortable in the theater chairs did not help either.

Yesterday I made a big heart shaped cookie for Greg. We spent a quiet day together cuddling, playing board games, and watching some olympic game coverage. I was not feeling too well. I am getting over a nasty cold and then I had started with terrible cramping late Saturday night. As the day went on yesterday, I was increasingly nauseous, the stomach pain was pretty bad and then the cramping never really went away.

Today I am still pretty nauseous but don't have as much stomach pain or cramping. One day at a time I guess. I just wish there weren't these awful suck days that knock you out. I wish the days got better and better instead of having lousy miserable days that creep up on you out of nowhere. And if I have to have lousy days, I wish sometimes they were not on the weekends so I could actually enjoy my time with Greg a little bit more. I can't do anything about it though except try to relax and take it one day at a time.

This is school vacation week. I am hoping to get lots of rest.

Good news/bad news

Good news is that I have gone for a walk twice this week. Short 15 minute walks, but still it is exercise none the same. I also did about 10-15 minutes of yoga on Sunday.

bad news is that my students are really good at sharing their germs and I am sick with a nasty head cold situation.

Good news is that my body is overwhelmed by fighting the headcold and I did not feel any nausea or tummy distress last evening before I went to bed

16 weeks!

So four months down and five to go! I am generally excited but still have moments of extreme sucky feelings, mainly debilitating fatigue, nausea and belly pain. But I am working and making it through the school days, sometimes with a nap when I get home and sometimes without. Some days are more difficult than others.

I think I felt the little person move for the first time last week. It was this weird bubbly feeling that only lasted a few seconds and then, as suddenly as it came on, it was gone. It happened one other time over the weekend but I am still not sure if that's indeed what it was.

I am still eating and succeeded in bringing back broccoli and some other vegetables during this past week. In addition to craving ketchup and oven roasted potatoes, I also wanted grapes and apples. Hooray for healthy foods.

I did not meet my intention from last week about bringing back exercise. I really wanted to, I just didn't. I know I should exercise, especially since I was exercising before I got pregnant on a fairly regular basis. Its just that after working all day with little people who cannot meet their own needs, I am tired and I NEED a nap. Which one do I need more, exercise or a nap? More importantly, which one does the baby need me to do more? Anyway hopefully I can try this week to get a little exercise in ( and no, I won't be shoveling!) Oh yeah, does going up 2 flights of stairs every time I need to pee at work count as exercise?

I was also able to not sleep all weekend long. Greg and I went to the book store on Saturday and enjoyed playing a board game later in the day. I did some reading and some school work during the evening and he went to visit his brother. On Sunday, I had lunch with a friend. I even went to the restaurant to pick up the food. I watched some of the super bowl but went to sleep at half time. For a while, I felt really bad for Greg because he would work all week and I was dysfunctional all weekend, not interested or able to do very much of anything. He felt obliged to do lots of care taking and I just felt so crummy. I wanted to hang out with him and to go out but couldn't! Now I am starting to have small bits of activity on the weekend.

So overall, things are going okay. I am hoping to feel more and more movement and less and less nausea and belly pain. I am hoping to exercise at some point.

Stay tuned...

Everyone wants to know

Besides from "how are you feeling?" (Answer of the moment, I feel pregnant, How do you think I feel?) people ask me about my plans for work and if we are going to find out the gender.

My plans for work are unknown as of yet. I am still trying to explore and weigh out all of my options. I am hoping to finish out the current school year for sure. Or, if the doctors say that is not possible, then work as long as I can without harming myself or the baby. Next school year is up in the air. I am currently exploring taking a full school year's leave of absence, job sharing, or working part time. Working full time does not seem like an option for me right now. Greg and I would like to be the ones to care for our child. While I am sure there are many wonderful childcare centers in our area, we have chosen not to go that route. When I broached the subject with my boss, I got frustrated with what I perceived as his lack of logic. I decided not to waste my energy so early in the day but I walked away from the conversation feeling unsatisfied and frustrated with what he had to say. Next steps include talking with a human resources person and a union rep to find out all the paper work and legal stuff I need to do to either work part time or have a leave of absence.

Yes, we are going to find out the gender. And yes, we might tell. But then again, we might not. We will see. I think on an intuitive level that we are having a girl. Greg disagrees and I remind him that it's called "mother's intuition". We banter back and forth, but for some reason we easily agreed on a girl's name and can't quite hammer out any boys' names that we both like. Time will tell.