Sunday, January 17, 2010

So, How are you

I am 13 weeks pregnant today. It has been a rough start, a really rough and somewhat traumatic start thus far. I am hoping and praying that the second semester is less intense.

Because it has been rough and I have great friends and family, many people are really concerned. Sometimes though, I am feeling so stinking lousy that I just don't want to talk about my health or how I am feeling. Sometimes, I want to hear about other people and their issues. I care about people and what is happening with them and sometimes I just need to be distracted from myself.

So here is a synopsis.

I have lost a significant amount weight. I was extremely disheartened this past Friday to go to the midwife and learn that I have lost even more weight even though I am really trying to eat every two hours. Trying to eat every two hours when you really could care less about food is a challenge of and in itself. Finding things to eat that are appealing (or at least not nausea-inducing) is another challenge. But I was doing it and I have the food logs to prove it. I also was sad to learn that I am continuing to burn through my stored fat.

So I am out of work, still. I have been out of work since the end of December, then hit school vacation week and haven't gone back in the new year. This is very hard for me too. Some parts of me understand that this is what I need to do for myself and my child. Other parts feel like I am failing at my job, like I am letting countless people down by not going. I mean if I can't function enough to get dressed or get off the couch, how am I going to go and survive a work day? Also, I need to gain some pounds and probably burn a good amount of calories in a typical work day so.... (When I wore my pedometer to work last year on a typical day, it logged close to 11,000 steps!)

Anyway, the midwife advises me to continue to seek out high calorie foods and to continue to eat and drink as often as possible. I suck at gaining weight. Some of you may remember when I tried to gain weight before my wedding by eating an absurd amount of soy ice cream. She also recommended that I have a phone consultation with a nutritionist. Lots of rest and eat what ever is appealing. I have to go back next Friday so warm thoughts or prayers are greatly appreciated.

Oh, despite my struggles, the baby seems to be okay. On ultrasound 2 weeks ago it was about the right size and this past Friday we could hear the heartbeat. The heartbeat sounded amazingly strong, quick and regular. Go Baby!

That is how I am and how we are doing. If you try to talk to me and I am vague or trying to change the subject, don't take it personally. I will try to post updates here often so check back regularly.

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