Tuesday, July 17, 2012


2012 is an Olympic year.  Specifically, it is a summer olympics year.  I am  going to be delivering a summer baby soon.  So in honor of these two events,  I figured I would share the events of the "I'm nine months pregnant in the middle of the summer" Olympics!

First up is the toddler dash-  You have a very active and curious toddler who hasn't mastered certain safety concepts yet.  You must keep her safe at all costs and this involves moving your pregnant, swollen, sore self at high speeds frequently throughout the day.  

Next event is the roll over.  You perform this event while lying down in bed on  either your left or right side to start.  You need to roll from one side to the other.  You lose points for grunting or pausing at the halfway point.  You are disqualified from earning a medal if you come to a full standing position in order to re-position yourself.

Then there is the walk around the neighborhood.  You know exercise is good and that walking can induce labor.  You must walk around the loop with minimal stopping.  You will be given a pulmonary function test before, halfway and at the end of your loop.  Deductions  include waddling excessively, groaning and holding your lower back.  Points are given for good posture, walking up the hill instead of down, completing the small loop in fewer than 20 minutes and overall mood upon returning.

Onto the dressing of yourself.  You must do this event at least twice in one day.  First aspect is to find clothes that still fit comfortably.  Remember that unless the clothing fits into the category of "dress"  you must select both a top and a bottom. Second aspect is to put them on, which requires amazing lung capacity and an ever increasing flexibility from the athlete/ mom to be.

One of the best parts of the summer Olympics is the water events
Pool walking.  You must put on the maternity bathing suit and try to ignore the fact that it is becoming too small.  You must prepare your toddler for swimming.  You must then drive to the pool.  You then try for several minutes to coax said toddler into the pool before recognizing that she has her own agenda.  Tag in your spouse for toddler duty as you enter the water.  Try to dodge droves of other people's children.  Try to avoid eye contact with other adults.  Feel the water surround you.  After a few moments look back over at your toddler to make sure she is still content with your spouse.  Begin walking.  Go slowly to avoid/minimize contractions.  Visualize swelling going down.  Walk about a half length of the pool  before turning around.  Repeat several times.  

Shower-  the challenge of this event is to avoid sitting for the entire time it takes to get clean.  The second challenging aspect is to find a perfect temperature that does not render you dizzy or shaking from chills.  The third challenging aspect is to get out and dry yourself without losing your breath * This event is often performed ahead of the dressing yourself event.

Go for the gold!

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