Numbers, emotions, and still pregnant

3 out of 5 couples from our natural childbirth class have had their babies already! We are not one of those three! 2 of those 3 couples were do a week ahead of us and the other one shared our due date. Once all of the little ones have been born and there is some reasonable recovery time, we are planning a potluck get-together. I was excited to hear from and even more tickled at seeing the pictures that they sent over. Then, emotions being what they are at this point, I was a little more than sad that our sweetie hasn't arrived just yet. 1001 "what-ifs" raced through my mind faster than I could even voice all of them.

I tried to keep myself busy: there were phone calls to my family, you tube distractions, shopping and browsing a local farm stand, trip to the gym pool, a movie, reading, board games, a book store run and watching Baby Girl Milette continue to find space to dance around. Still my mind wandered back to : Is it today? what about now? Is that a REAL contraction? Greg was fabulously calm. He helped me to find distractions, answered my questions in a reassuring and confident way, helped me into whatever position I thought would be comfortable and spent a fair amount of time talking to her. I love when he talks to her, it just makes me melt.

Speaking of melting, the weekend was disgustingly hot and humid so that probably did not help my restlessness. Today is warm but with no humidity and breezy. The breeze feels amazing and I have been appreciating it all day. I am, at this point, still pregnant. I am ready, a bit anxious ,and hoping she is ready to join us soon.

you got yourself a date!

The midwife joked around that I could have the baby tomorrow because she is on call at the hospital where we are planning to deliver and that I could just stop by. Sounds like a plan to me. Oh, except for the actual labor and delivery part which is still terrifying.

Anyway not much else to report. Lost a pound since last week. Baby's heart rate is still loud and strong and we can still hear good acceleration during movement. Currently not in labor though she did say that Baby Girl Milette's head is nice and low.

So we sit and wait. And take a nap.

Countdown is in single digits?!?!

Four days until the estimated due date? Deep breath in, slow breath out. Repeat.

The baby's name is....

Ok I am really not telling. My family is slightly obsessed with the game "Guess the baby's name". I told Greg this morning that I am about ready to say yes to everything they suggest. And alternate that with other random words, like "el sacapuntas" and whatever other nonsense comes into my mind at the time. In addition to endless rounds of "guess the name" they are also obsessively playing "guess the birthday" and "guess the weight". I know everyone is excited to meet her and most days I am glad for the enthusiasm but sometimes when we are all together and everyone is shouting out names or birthdays its a little annoying. And not to mention the fact that I don't have control over when she will actually be born!

Today is 39 weeks gestation, which is amazing. Anytime now is good for me, little one. Everything was okay on Friday at the midwife appointment and I even managed to gain a little weight. She went over when to call the office and checked to make sure everything was ready. She also told me I needed to make appointments for week 40 and week 41. The appointment for week 41 falls on our five year anniversary. I really would hope to not be pregnant then, but again it is not in my control.

Sigh of relief

Baby Girl Milette is happy as a clam and doing just fine. She has enough amniotic fluid for the time being. Her heart was beating like crazy and we could see her chest rapidly rising as she practices breathing. She is also apparently head down and face down so we could not see her sweet little face via ultrasound. That's okay though because I am sure that we will see it soon enough. They estimated her weight to be 6lbs 150z which is average size.

So for now, I am glad that everything looked okay. I am anxiously awaiting her arrival and trying to keep the panic to a dull roar.

Stay tuned!

My baby knows how to be born...

... she just has not done it yet! Also, my body knows how to give birth. It already knows. It knows as much as my mother's and grandmother's and great grandmother's bodies knew. (These gems of wisdom are from Julie Brill, Now if I can just get the mind to relax a bit....

In addition to it being amazingly uncomfortable due to heat, humidity and a full term pregnancy; the last few days have been also filled with anxiety. There is of course the normal end of pregnancy "OHMYGODIHAVE TO DELIVERTHEBABY but IHAVENOIDEAHOWTODOIT! daily freak out. Then there is the added anxiety of finding out Friday afternoon that I need to have an ultrasound. The midwife wants to make sure that the baby has enough amniotic fluid.

Even though I am measuring where I should be, I haven't gained any real weight since the mid-late May. Even though the baby's heart rate sounds great on the Doppler monitor in the office, they want to make sure. Make sure that everything is okay. She says the baby is a little small for this point in gestation, but they are guessing at the baby's weight from the outside, so it is not terribly accurate and I am trying not to focus on it.

While she says that she thinks everything will be fine and that is just a precautionary measure, I am not at ease. I paced the floors last night when I should have been sleeping. I did Internet research which basically only serves as fuel to paranoia. I have tried to distract myself with random activities but I think at this point, I need to hear that it is going to be okay and I desperately need to meet Baby Girl Milette.

It seems like my efforts with the iron supplement are making a small difference as my iron levels did go up slightly. So that is some good news.

The ultra sound is later this afternoon. I need to stay busy. I think I will start by taking a shower and a trip to library. And taking several deep breaths....

too hot

It is way to hot to be 9 months pregnant. It just is. Ideas for staying cool:

Bookstore before lunch

Cool salad for lunch

"swimming" at the gym in the afternoon

visiting my moms tomorrow

buying tons of books at the bookstore and camping out in the bedroom with the AC
covering the mattress with ice cubes and rolling on them

visiting some sort of museum this week

eating too many popsicles and too much vegan ice cream

frequent showers

other ideas are welcome...

Not exactly the advice you give to everyone

At the end of the appointment with the midwife yesterday, she said " Go home. Get Fat! Come back fatter next week". I imagine that not too many people have been told that by a medical care provider. I haven't LOST any weight, but I also haven't gained more than a pound in the last 7 or so weeks.

My blood pressure was on the low side but since I was feeling okay, she wasn't too concerned. When the nurse suggested that the midwife recheck it to make sure, the midwife said that it is just me being me.

Baby Girl Milette's heartbeat was strong, in the 140-150 range

Anyway, we also talked about upcoming appointments, went over our birth plan "sketch", turned in my health care proxy forms. All in all, she wants to see me gain more weight before the baby comes ( which is SOON) but otherwise everything looks good.

Earlier this week, I tried to cut out the anti-vomiting medication yet again. And yet again, I was back to puking fluids at 4 am! Not exactly what I would call fun times. With the heat being sometimes oppressive, I need to stay hydrated so, um, puking fluids is not really a good choice. The midwife suggested cutting the tablets to try to wean myself off more slowly or a lower dose. Perhaps before my next appointment, I will have some luck with cutting the pills.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I feel like Baby Girl Milette is EVERYWHERE, she has officially taken over my whole body.

UPDATE on previous post

So I bought a maternity bathing suit. Finally. I was at the store looking for something else when I noticed it. They had one, and only one left and it was my size and on clearance. So, throwing caution to the wind, I took it home put it on and went to the pool at our gym with my lovely husband. In a word, fabulous!!!!

The water wasn't too cold so I could float around and I utilized the kickboard. The suit fit well and stayed where it was supposed to. For the first time in probably 6 weeks, I did not feel my back ache, I did not feel the weight of my stomach or any downward pressure. I even got a few kicks of cheering encouragement from Baby Girl Milette.

Fabulous!

26 Days until the due date??!?!?!

Seriously??!?! I am not going dwell on the speed of time, again.

Anyways, yesterday was the first day of maternity leave/summer vacation. In a fit of determination, I set off the beach. By myself. One of my colleagues had recommended a beach that I had never been to. So off I went with my lunch, my blankies, tons of water, and a few other props to keep myself comfortable.

I should first mention that I do not own a maternity bathing suit. And I refused to be on the beach bare belly. So I wore a bikini top from many summers ago, a loose fitting tank top, bottoms from yet another bathing suit from many summers ago and some gym shorts. None of these items matched any of the other items, so I was quite the sight.

So after a longer than anticipated ride to get there, I made it. It was already nearly 90 degrees in the parking lot around 9 am. All I wanted to do was plunge in the water, which is extremely out of character for me, but I have been extremely hot recently. Anyway, first a stop to use the bathroom, then I lugged my gear out of the trunk. Staring at me was a daunting flight or two of stairs that I had to go up to get to the beach. So up the stairs and the hill I trudged, only to find more stairs on the other side. I dropped my stuff and ran breathless into the water, which was a chilly 57 degrees. Sounds like exactly what I needed with being so hot right?

Well Baby Girl Milette disagreed, loudly and a strongly. As soon as I made it in to my hips (or the region formerly known as my hips) it was contraction city. So I took the hint and got out, after splashing some water on my upper half. I set up the camp and went for a walk, crossing over to a sand bar. I tried to go in again because the water was warmer and once again, 2 contractions back to back.

I tried to rest on the blankie but couldn't find a comfortable position. Then it was uphill and upstairs to the bathroom. After 20 minutes there and back, I went into the water, being careful to avoid the baby zone. I went for another walk in the opposite direction and tried to sit on the balnkie to do some people watching but once again couldn't get comfortable. I decided that it was time for lunch and couldn't wait any longer to dig into my tabbouleh salad. Imagine then my dismay when I learned that I had not brought a fork with me. As I was bemoaning that situation, I realized the tide was coming in and my camp was in danger of being taken over by the next wave. So I moved everything up beach.

After yet another hip high adventure into the water, I decided I would go back up the hill and up the stairs to get a fork from the concession stand. I arrived out of breath and practically panting. The 16 year old who was working informed me that forks were for customers only. I promised to buy something later and patiently explained my situation. Thankfully, he gave me the fork and said I did not need to buy anything. Back to the blanket to realize that I have already consumed more than 50oz of water and that I am now out of water ( that I could have bought at the concession stand!) I ate my salad, splashed in the water a few more times and decided that it was time to go.

Back up hill and upstairs with all my gear, a pit stop in the changing room, a dollar in the vending machine for water and to the vehicle. The beach was absolutely gorgeous and I was sad that I couldn't spend more time there enjoying it. I welcomed the blast of AC and drove away, feeling like I had worked really hard when I was planning a relaxing day.

Here is what I learned:

1. Maybe a maternity bathing suit would have been a good investment after all
2. Baby GIrl Milette does not like cold water
3. A spouse/girlfriend/companion would have made things easier
4. When planning a beach trip while pregnant, understand where the bathrooms are in relation to where the beach actually is
5. Bring a fork, always
6. Bring way more water than you normally would

Fun times!!

All is well

Midwife appointment went smoothly yesterday.

According to external measurements, BaBY Girl Milette is still growing normally. My blood pressure was fine. We talked again about iron and the ickiness of iron supplements. We talked about the birth plan and bringing it in to our next appointment. Otherwise, we are now at the point where we need to go every week, which means that Baby Girl Milette will be joining us soon!

35 weeks

Child birth class is half over and I feel no more prepared for her arrival than I did before class started. If anything, I am more anxious. I am working hard to keep it in check. Of course, I am anxious. I have never done this before. But I must remember: I am strong and capable. My body was made to carry a baby and birth successfully. The hospital has experts who know a lot about how to birth a baby. Millions of women for generations have been birthing babies.

I did enjoy seeing Greg wear the empathy belly even if it was only for a short period of time.

I am also still slightly anemic and have started taking an iron supplement every other day. Hopefully my body will absorb it properly and Baby Girl Milette will get what she needs. Typically, babies make a 6 month store of iron in their bodies before they are born. This is because relatively little iron is passed through breast milk and most babies will start solid foods sometime either before or around the 6 month mark. First foods are typically iron fortified cereals. Isn't that handy how that works?

Running the numbers

34 weeks pregnant

42 more days until the due date

9 more school days

170-180 baby heartbeats per minute at the midwife appointment this past Thursday!

1 out of 4 natural childbirth classes completed

0 pairs of non-sweat pants that fit comfortably

2 more days until the bureau arrives and then her room is basically done, except for a lamp

quick quip form birth class

"No bad birth stories, please. My baby is listening."

Just loved this and thought I would share.

More details about birth class to come later, but the need for sleep can no longer be ignored. Good night!

Pediatrician

A few weeks ago we went to an open house with some other soon to be new parents to meet with a potential pediatrician. I was inspired by her energy level, considering that she had worked all day and was hosting this info session in the evening.

It was very informative and we were both impressed with what she had to say and the practice itself. Here are a few of the positives:

• The practice is close by ( less than 10 minutes away)
• Lactation consultants who make home visits
• Great hours (including some evenings and weekends at their other location a town over)
• Separate times of the day for well baby visits and sick kid visits so healthy babies hopefully aren't sitting in the waiting room next to sick ones
• She didn't freak out too much about the vegan diet
• Pediatric triage line for late night freak outs and or legitimate concerns
• Pediatrician has hospital privileges at the hospital we plan to deliver and at Children's
• She seemed to truly love being a doctor
• She is a fairly new mom herself so everything is fresh in her mind

All in all, we were liked her a lot and did not find any reason not to go with her. Just an overall good feeling, I felt at ease when we were talking with her so we have to go with that. If it doesn't work out, we can always switch pediatricians later but I'm very confident that it will work out just fine.

32 weeks!

Yahooo! Not that I am counting down or anything, but there are only a mere 56 days until the due date! I also know the chance of having your first baby on your due date is slim but still, it's a target.

Difficulties with dressing myself appropriately for work, sleeping and generally finding a comfortable position.

Midwife appointment went smoothly last week. We could hear the difference between her resting and active heartbeat. I still did not gain weight but the midwife is not concerned because the baby appears to be growing just fine. My blood pressure was fine and in 2 weeks, I have to have a repeat anemia screen. I tried to take a liquid supplement but I couldn't get it down. So I am trying to eat lots of iron rich foods to pass the test and avoid taking an iron supplement in pill form. I am reluctant to take the iron in pill form for fear of it reeking havoc on my already sensitive GI tract. We will continue with bi-weekly appointments until the end of June and then its weekly after that.

The baby's room is coming together slowly but surely. The crib arrived and then the mattress came in this past week along with the car seat and stroller. Looking at the car seat made it all seem very real and very rapidly approaching.

We spend our time looking at my belly move and being endlessly surprised and entertained each time it happens. We are both nervous and excited to meet her. She is coming soon enough and then we won't have to guess which part of her just moved by, we will know. I think we manage our emotions differently though but we continue to support each other, which is the most important thing.

Maybe I will get brave enough to post a picture on this blog some day. Until then, happy reading.

What a lovely weekend

Greg and I scooted off to the cape this past weekend. It was lovely. Being the weekend before memorial day, there was less traffic! Almost everything was open and the inn prices were substantially lower than they will be this coming weekend.

He picked me up Friday after work and we were off. We stopped for an early and delicious dinner of veggie sushi about half way down. Once we arrived at our inn, we went for a walk but I was cold and tired so it didnt last too long.

Saturday morning, I woke up ravenous and was unsatisfied after eating the banana we had tagged along with us. It was 7 am and breakfast at the inn was still 90 minutes away. So we were off in search of the vegan crepe place I remembered. I was sorely disappointed to learn that it was no longer there, but there was a new restaurant in its place which had a few vegan offerings. So we ordered breakfast. After a small tofu scramble and breakfast potatoes, I was still hungry! Back at the inn I had some fresh cut strawberries and some apple granola yumminess.

The rest of the day included a trip to the beach, a nap and some shopping. We didn't buy too much anywhere else except for at the toy store! Our daughter has quite a few toys now. We are both ( but especially me) suckers for wooden toys and toys without batteries. We are both a bit giddy. Saturday evening we had a very delicious and unique dinner and spent a relaxing evening playing cards.

We had some difficulty sleeping Saturday night for a whole variety of reasons, but we were both up at 6 on Sunday and at the beach by 630. Awesome. We scooted back to the inn for breakfast and to avoid the small worms that started crawling on us at the beach. We took our time meandering back.

All in all, it was a lovely wonderful relaxing weekend, away from a long list of chores and to-do lists here at the home base. Greg is awesome, super accommodating of all my weird pregnancy needs and amazingly patient, kind and supportive.

Kudos to him

This week at the doctors

Hooray for passing the gestational diabetes test and NOT needing to do a repeat.

Hooray for the uterus being the size it should be for this point in the pregnancy.

Hooray for a very strong rapid baby heart rate in the 160s.

Hooray for my blood pressure still being within normal range, even if it is slightly higher then it was before

Hooray for mild varicose veins and no stretch marks.

Hooray for scheduling all appointments in the afternoon through the end of the school of year.

Concerned for not gaining any weight but the midwife says not to worry until I go back in two weeks. If I haven't gained at that point, they will be concerned. But I worry anyway, I am a worrier. Also I am slightly anemic. They want the test score to be 34 or higher and I was 33.9 Bring on the beans and the fortified cereal for now. The liquid iron supplement that she recommended was nasty beyond belief. I couldn't get it down and puking isn't helpful to either me or Baby Girl Milette.

Pants rants

Too cold for skirts and being anti leggings leaves me with one choice on this chilly monday morning:
Pants!


They suck. I actually have on a pair that buttons, for now anyways. But I am uncomfortable. There are seams in undesireable places. They dont stay where I want them to. I can't pull them up anymore but at the same time, I feel they are too low!

I hate any pants that are not sweat pants! But still I dont think it is professional to go to work in sweats unless you are a personal trainer or phys ed teacher.

I could breakdown and buy maternity pants but I still think its a waste of money. I hate pants!

Week 28 and feeling it: Random thoughts

Wow am I tired! I am unbelievably exhausted and it is compunded by the fact that I am having an increased difficulty falling and staying asleep. There are basically two choices for sleeping these days: on one side with heart burn and on the other side with an upset stomach. I haven't tottally mastered sleeping while sitting upright yet, but maybe I should work on that. I sleep for an hour or two at a time and then I get up. I go the bathroom, drink some more water because I have been super thirsty this week, and stretch my legs to avoid leg cramps. By the time I resettle myself in a comfortable position, the little one is doing sommersaults.

I am also having a hard time remembering things. I start sentences and forget what I am going to say. I walk to the fridge with a specific item in mind and have no idea what I went there for.

I took out summer clothes from from the closet that I thought might fit. Final score 7 items returned to closet, 3 items that might still fit in the next 2-3 weeks.

The crib arrived and was assembled today!

I am excited most of the time but sometimes overrun by my emotions. Today at work for example, I was setting up materials for the students to make mothers' day cards for their moms. All of sudden, I was completely paralyzed with fear. I am going to be a mommy very soon and what if I screw it up? What if.... what if... what if? Before too long, I was hysterically crying and then as quickly as the emotional outburst came on, it was gone.

Currently I am at the point where I need to go to the midwife every two weeks. I am also assuming that I past the gestational diabetes test since I haven't heard from the ob/gyn's office since I took the test last week, sot hat is a good thing. There is a huge pile of paperwork to do for the hospital so I am working on that as well.

Meeting some pediatricians next Wednesday.

Stay tuned for updates and more ramblings

Surprise!

So I was completely honored and suprised yesterday to learn that my colleagues had put together a small baby shower for me. I was completely duped and had no idea whatsoever.
After school, I was led to the science room supposedly to pick out some relevant and age appropriate materials for my class. Well I was very surprised as there were no science materials in sight. Instead, a table of presents! a room filled with cheery people! and a table of delicious food!

I am appreciative of all the thoughts, presents and efforts that went into making the surprise a success. I am most excited though about handmade blankies and the very generous giftcard to babies r us.

This weekend Greg and I will sit down and start writing some thank you cards!

Week 27

I think my dear friend nausea is making a comeback and I am not too excited about our reunion.

Other things that are bothering me this week

my low back

occasionally intense leg cramps

occasional difficulty finding a comfortable sleep position

I resorted to wearing one of Greg's t-shirts yesterday. But, hey, if the shirt fits....

And i think I have felt the very first practice contractions, not joyful

Things I am happy about or looking forward to:

Greg and I finally agreed on and ordered the bureau for baby's room

meeting our little sweetie

watching greg as he feels the baby kick. his whole face just lights up

prenatal massage!

Wow!

i just looked at the baby counter on my very own blog and there is now less than 100 days until the due date!

Also there are 43 school days left in the school year after April vacation.....

26 weeks and counting

The today is the start of the 26th week of my first pregnancy. Time is going by both slowly and quickly. 26 weeks on one hand is great ( hooray, I have made it this far!) and on the other hand it's still a long haul from here ( 14 weeks to go?!?!?! are you serious? blah)

Here is what has been going on.

1) The job-share deadline came and went at school and my dim-witted principal was still unwilling to budge on the matter. At that point, I was forced to make a decision. I could either 1) transfer to a new position and take some time off in September, which I am sure would make a new principal really happy 2) try to job-share outside of my building with someone I don't know or 3) take the whole 2010-2011 school year for a maternity leave. I did not want to be in a new building/new position and be a new mom all at the same time. It feels overwhelming just writing it down, never mind actually doing it. I also believe that teachers who don't start their classrooms off in September face an uphill battle when they do return. So, I will be at home with my delightful daughter for the first year.

I think it is a blessing that I will fully appreciate later on. In the meantime, I have had to wrestle with some issues of identity. Greg has been fully and amazingly supportive though and in no way has pushed me towards one thing or another. We don't know yet what will happen after that year is over but we don't have to know that right now.

2) I have been having some ,uh okay, a lot of difficulty sleeping. The last three nights have been brutal. I go to bed early (around 830 or 9) and sleep soundly until sometime after 11 and then I am up every hour or less for some reason or another, but mostly because I can't seem to get comfortable. This is school vacation week though so hopefully I can catch up a little here and there throughout the day.

3) We are waiting on the delivery of the baby's crib.

4) Last weekend I decided that my clothes werent fitting right! Surprise! I bought a few more skirts and a few short sleeve shirts. Of course the weather this week has not been conducive to wearing those clothes. I even went so far as to try on maternity pants but those were awful and stupid so they stayed at the store. On a final note about clothes, I decided on Friday that my jeans were "hugging me too much"

Stay tuned for more updates!

Almost 24 weeks update!

Last Friday I went to an appointment with the midwife. When the nurse gave me the cup to pee in, I took into the bathroom. I did my business and turned around there was the cup, empty with my name on it. I've been going to the Ob/Gyn office now for nearly 6 months and every time they ask me to pee in the cup. I couldn't believe that I forgot! The nurse reassured me and said that sometimes it just happens and that I could go before I left.

I sat on the exam table waiting for the midwife. And then eventually I was a little uncomfortable so I decided to lay down, just for a few minutes. I have no idea how much time went by, but I do know that I woke up from a sound sleep when the midwife came in! I was a little embarrassed yet again, but she said she sees it all the time and that I was sleeping because I needed to.

Anyway, I have actually gained weight! I am up a full five pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I never would have imagined that those 5 pounds can make such a difference in the way I feel. It is only 5 pounds after all and most people fluctuate in their weight anyways. Some days I feel better than others. Some days I just simply feel ginormous.

Next visit will include gestational diabetes testing and an injection of Rogan. Rogan is a medication given to women with my blood type (o negative) in the event that the baby's blood comes in contact with mine. Without the medicine, my body will immediately start to produce antibodies and try to reject the baby. Future children are more at risk than the current one apparently. I keep saying to Greg that any siblings of this baby will be adopted, but I guess the injection is to err on the side of caution, you know, just in case.

The weather is finally getting warm and dry enough for skirts and dresses. I am so comfortable today in a long sleeved purple t shirt dress that I am nearly tempted to draw a huge smiley face on belly! The baby is very active. I am beginning to feel movements in two places at the same time as well as occasional hiccups. I still don't really like it when people touch my belly, and I like it even less when its someone I don't even have a close relationship with, like the lunch lady at school.

Oh yeah, and since I work with a bunch of older women, they apparently feel entitled or obligated to comment daily on my changing body. Here are some of the latest comments from this week at school: " Oh, you are starting to fill out" "Hey you are really starting to show", "Oh...(silent awkward pause) WOW". And from my principal "Wow, you really cannot deny it now". So I am almost 6 months pregnant, my body should be changing. The comments are uncomfortable to receive because I certainly would not talk to the majority of these people about my body otherwise. I don't make comments about their bodies: " Hmm it looks like your double chin has turned into a triple, do you mind if I touch it?" or " hey thanks for commenting on my changing appearance yet again. I noticed it looks like you have gained more weight than I have, how is that going for you?" Those would be inappropriate comments, right?

Anywyay, Greg and I are off for a romantic weekend! Happy Easter!

Yes, I am ( )....

Parenthesis. Many of the people I work with do not say the word "pregnant" because it has bad social implications in their culture. In the last week or so people who have wanted to inquire about my status have looked at me, pointed and made parenthesis with their hands. This avoidance of the word strikes me as hilarious. I told a gesturing colleague that I wanted to be an exclamation point, but it was already taken so I had to be the parenthesis. I told someone else that I didn't want to appear confused all the time, so I didn't pick a question mark. Humor is apparently for my benefit only as these jokes appear to get lost in translation.

Someone else refrained from the gesture and asked if I had something growing. Probably super inappropriate on my part, but I said, yes I do I have a mass growing rapidly inside of me. She apologized profusely and all I could do was laugh. I told her she didn't need to apologize and that I did not have a something, but a someONE growing inside of me.

My principal says that I am with child. I find this phrase funny too. I wonder if in a few weeks or months, instead of parenthesis I will be more { } or even [ ]. Stay tuned for pregnancy-related humor, updates, and what not.

22 weeks, also known as 5 1/2 months

That means that we have about 3 1/2 months to go. We still have a lot of work to do. But our little baby will at least have a crib to sleep in, it should arrive in another two weeks or so. Time is going by quickly and sometimes I am overwhelmed by all that we have left to do.

A few quick updates:

I am home sick. I spent a lot of time this past weekend around a lot of my allergens (cats, dogs, and scented candles) but I cant take the medicine right now. I am hoping that the sickness is just my body being slow to recover from the allergic situation. I feel guilty about missing yet another day of work since I was out so long but I can't drag myself in there and hang out with no heat all day long when I already don't feel well. Aside from the current respiratory ailments, I am feeling okay.

I am still eating fairly frequently and have my monthly check-up/ weigh in this coming Friday. I am still taking the anti-vomiting medicine. I would like to try to not take it but I don't want to vomit either. So far I am able to manage the heartburn by taking one extra strength chewable pepcid per day. I feel large.

Speaking of large, I bought a new pillow that is supposed to support both my back and my belly. It is a lot bigger than I thought. Greg describes it as an anti-husband pillow. I have been trying it out for almost a week now. I am not sleeping necessarily any better with it than I was without it. I think I like the idea of it more than I actually like the pillow the itself.

The baby is increasingly more active and the kicks/punches are stronger. Most of the time, I like the feeling of the baby moving inside of me. Greg certainly loves when he can feel the kicks and punches. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable, but it would be worse if the baby wasn't moving.

Excuse me! (Vent)

Really, seriously, do not touch my belly! Would you even think about touching my midsection if I wasn't pregnant? Probably (hopefully) not! Unless you are my husband, my midwife, or under four feet tall, my baby bump is hands off, especially if I do not know you!!

Someone at work told me I looked fat today! I think, again, if you are not my husband or my midwife you have no business making that comment to me. Who says that? Would you say that if I wasn't pregnant? This was how the day started. We had a teacher breakfast today in honor of St. Patrick's Day tomorrow. I was excited to see an abundance of fresh fruit. I had strawberries, grapes and a banana on my plate and a mini cranberry muffin. This rude person has her plate loaded up with eggs, sausage, quiche and other items. She went on to imply that maybe I wanted to take a little less food. I gritted my teeth and explained that at my last weigh in 2 1/2 weeks ago, I was only back to my original weight. I think if I gained another 5 pounds between the last weigh in and the one I have next week, that the midwife would be overjoyed.

And anyone who really knows me, knows that I am very self-conscious about my changing body. Somedays, I am able to embrace it and other days I just want to hide in sweats. If you don't know me very well, why would you even say that I look fat, regardless of whether or not I am pregnant? I am not fat. I am carrying a baby. Greg reminds me often that my changing shape is beautiful and I try often to remember that and even say it to my self.

I was really offended. I tried to shake it off but just couldn't.

Tomorrow is my first prenatal massage and I am looking forward to that!

And now for the half time report!

That's right folks, we are half way there today! The baby is now the size of a cantaloupe! (Ok, is it just me or does that sound pretty large to anyone else?!) I continue to have my good moments and my not so good moments. Unfortunately, I continue to need to take my medication to keep food down. I only need it once a day instead of once every 4-6 hours, so that is progress. I was hoping to not need it by this point but my body and baby have other plans. I do find that I feel best when I have some food every 2-3 hours and I continue to try to drink plenty of water.

When I went to the midwife last week, we were both excited that I have finally made it back to my pre-pregnancy weight! Last weekend I had a nasty head cold and when I asked the midwife if there was anything I could take, she suggested warm lemonade with honey. That sounded disgusting then and now. The weight is different though. The shape of my body is dramatically different than it was. When I lost weight at the beginning of the pregnancy, I don't know where I lost it from, but I certainly know where it is going now as it comes back!!!

This past week, Greg and I went to the hospital for a tour and to meet the doctors and midwives that may be taking care of us during the birth of the baby! On some levels it was really great to see all the facilities and be able to get some of our questions answered. On other levels, it was totally an anxiety producing experience for me. It made the whole idea suddenly seem so real. I was freaking out a bit in the auditorium while we waited for the presentation to start and Greg and did his best to calm me down. That night I had horrible nightmares about the baby and taking care of her when she arrived.

A few other updates:

• I am feeling lots of movement, more and more as time goes by. Hopefully Greg will be able to feel it soon too.

• Yes, we have a name picked out! And no, we are not telling what is. Even if you are lucky enough to guess correctly, we are not telling you if you are correct or not.

• No I still haven't figured out my work situation just yet, but time is getting closer. I have a may 1st deadline for that

• Holding my friends' new baby yesterday made both Greg and I even more excited to meet our baby!

Big Sigh of Relief

We had the ultra sound yesterday. Everything is fine!

I could see both hemispheres of the brain, all four chambers of the heart and bones in the arms, legs, and hands. I could see kidneys, the placenta and umbilical cord, as well as individual vertebrae in the spine and all of the little ribs. The baby was swimming all around and even covering its face with its arm at one point.

They said that everything looked great structurally and size wise! Heart rate was steady and there was adequate blood flow in the umbilical cord. Yay!

I am fundamentally a worrier and so... I worry. I look at the plants in my house which are not doing so well and hope the baby has a better chance. I don't feel movement for a day and I worry. Hello, baby, are you still there? Yesterday the day started off with vomiting fluid, so I worried. (Even though I may be ready to come off this medicine, my body apparently is not! But taking the medicine beats being dehydrated and sick!) But the ultrasound was so reassuring, so comforting. And, oh so very real. That image there on the screen was undeniably, amazingly a wonderful, beautiful, healthy baby. Our baby!

Wow!

And today, one of my co-workers said I was glowing!

18 weeks!

My baby is apparently the size of a sweet potato! Slightly cuter than an onion! Feeling very pregnant these days. Tired, achy, searching for a toilet fairly frequently. Nervous for the ultra sound Wednesday but trying not to be.

Almost half way!

that awkward phase

Remember way back when your body was changing? When you started going through puberty? Do you remember feeling so self conscious about your body and not wanting anyone to notice any of those seemingly very obvious changes?

That is kind of where I am these days. I find myself increasingly self conscious about my changing body. I am seeking lose fitting shirts and "flowing" sweaters over them. I feel that I look more fat than pregnant. I suspect that if you saw me and did not know that I was pregnant that you would say I look like I have gained weight.

I probably have gained weight since my last doctor's appointment at the end of January. I am supposed to gain some wight, I am after all pregnant. I just have never been so aware of it, so uncomfortable.

4 more days until the ultrasound and then I see the midwife 2 days after that. Nerves are in full gear.

17 weeks

My baby is the size of an onion. I think describing the current size of the baby with common food items is helpful in creating a visual in my mind. But some of the foods are just not as cute as others. Like at the beginning, when it was a lentil or a peanut, or a few weeks ago when it was a lemon. Those cute things to imagine. But an onion?

It reminds me of a few years ago when Greg took me to a vegan bed and breakfast in VT that had the word "onion" in its name. To tell me of our upcoming trip he put an actual onion in my stocking. I did not necessarily enjoy eating onions at that time and did not get it. I held up the onion and the pictures show me making a face that clearly says: " what the heck do you want me to do with this?"

Anyway back to the present. Saturday Greg made heart shaped pancakes for breakfast and went to get veggie sushi for lunch. I love him! That evening we had tickets to a play at a local theater. The play started at my current bedtime, so despite several naps and a generally restful day, I was already tired when we got there. Then I had to contend with people and their smells. Perfume, hairspray, bathroom air fresheners, cologne and coffee brewed in the lobby and sold during intermission. Hello nausea, welcome back! Of course being tired and slightly uncomfortable in the theater chairs did not help either.

Yesterday I made a big heart shaped cookie for Greg. We spent a quiet day together cuddling, playing board games, and watching some olympic game coverage. I was not feeling too well. I am getting over a nasty cold and then I had started with terrible cramping late Saturday night. As the day went on yesterday, I was increasingly nauseous, the stomach pain was pretty bad and then the cramping never really went away.

Today I am still pretty nauseous but don't have as much stomach pain or cramping. One day at a time I guess. I just wish there weren't these awful suck days that knock you out. I wish the days got better and better instead of having lousy miserable days that creep up on you out of nowhere. And if I have to have lousy days, I wish sometimes they were not on the weekends so I could actually enjoy my time with Greg a little bit more. I can't do anything about it though except try to relax and take it one day at a time.

This is school vacation week. I am hoping to get lots of rest.

Good news/bad news

Good news is that I have gone for a walk twice this week. Short 15 minute walks, but still it is exercise none the same. I also did about 10-15 minutes of yoga on Sunday.

bad news is that my students are really good at sharing their germs and I am sick with a nasty head cold situation.

Good news is that my body is overwhelmed by fighting the headcold and I did not feel any nausea or tummy distress last evening before I went to bed

16 weeks!

So four months down and five to go! I am generally excited but still have moments of extreme sucky feelings, mainly debilitating fatigue, nausea and belly pain. But I am working and making it through the school days, sometimes with a nap when I get home and sometimes without. Some days are more difficult than others.

I think I felt the little person move for the first time last week. It was this weird bubbly feeling that only lasted a few seconds and then, as suddenly as it came on, it was gone. It happened one other time over the weekend but I am still not sure if that's indeed what it was.

I am still eating and succeeded in bringing back broccoli and some other vegetables during this past week. In addition to craving ketchup and oven roasted potatoes, I also wanted grapes and apples. Hooray for healthy foods.

I did not meet my intention from last week about bringing back exercise. I really wanted to, I just didn't. I know I should exercise, especially since I was exercising before I got pregnant on a fairly regular basis. Its just that after working all day with little people who cannot meet their own needs, I am tired and I NEED a nap. Which one do I need more, exercise or a nap? More importantly, which one does the baby need me to do more? Anyway hopefully I can try this week to get a little exercise in ( and no, I won't be shoveling!) Oh yeah, does going up 2 flights of stairs every time I need to pee at work count as exercise?

I was also able to not sleep all weekend long. Greg and I went to the book store on Saturday and enjoyed playing a board game later in the day. I did some reading and some school work during the evening and he went to visit his brother. On Sunday, I had lunch with a friend. I even went to the restaurant to pick up the food. I watched some of the super bowl but went to sleep at half time. For a while, I felt really bad for Greg because he would work all week and I was dysfunctional all weekend, not interested or able to do very much of anything. He felt obliged to do lots of care taking and I just felt so crummy. I wanted to hang out with him and to go out but couldn't! Now I am starting to have small bits of activity on the weekend.

So overall, things are going okay. I am hoping to feel more and more movement and less and less nausea and belly pain. I am hoping to exercise at some point.

Stay tuned...

Everyone wants to know

Besides from "how are you feeling?" (Answer of the moment, I feel pregnant, How do you think I feel?) people ask me about my plans for work and if we are going to find out the gender.

My plans for work are unknown as of yet. I am still trying to explore and weigh out all of my options. I am hoping to finish out the current school year for sure. Or, if the doctors say that is not possible, then work as long as I can without harming myself or the baby. Next school year is up in the air. I am currently exploring taking a full school year's leave of absence, job sharing, or working part time. Working full time does not seem like an option for me right now. Greg and I would like to be the ones to care for our child. While I am sure there are many wonderful childcare centers in our area, we have chosen not to go that route. When I broached the subject with my boss, I got frustrated with what I perceived as his lack of logic. I decided not to waste my energy so early in the day but I walked away from the conversation feeling unsatisfied and frustrated with what he had to say. Next steps include talking with a human resources person and a union rep to find out all the paper work and legal stuff I need to do to either work part time or have a leave of absence.

Yes, we are going to find out the gender. And yes, we might tell. But then again, we might not. We will see. I think on an intuitive level that we are having a girl. Greg disagrees and I remind him that it's called "mother's intuition". We banter back and forth, but for some reason we easily agreed on a girl's name and can't quite hammer out any boys' names that we both like. Time will tell.

3/8 done!

15 weeks today!

Here are some things I noticed this past week"

• I had to buy some shirts that fall a little bit longer on my body. Not a bigger size, but just a longer style! I was tugging at 2 of my "work" shirts, feeling they were too short
• Shortness of breath and tiredness going up two flights of stairs to pee
• Finally starting to decrease Zofran w/o vomiting
• Ketchup is a wonderful thing!
• My administrator at work is a bozo. This is not the first time I realized this, but I was reminded of it

Stay tuned! My intention for this week is to try and exercise twice during the work week, even if it is just for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. I spent so much time lying around, that I feel kind of creaky and hope exercise will help. I will keep you posted. I am also hoping to keep bringing back more previously averted foods.

We shall see...

Woo hoo

Went to the doctors on Wednesday and I gained another pound. I never thought I would be so excited about something so previously insignificant. The babies heart rate was 155. The doctor said he could feel the smallest bump and that that bump was the baby. Even though he put my hand in the right space I just felt like... well like me. I couldn't feel it but then again I've never felt a baby that small before in my own body! Hearing the beat is still the most awesome thing. It gets me every time!

The thyroid functioning test was repeated and I a learned that I am not a carrier of the cystic fibrosis gene. I also learned that I am O- which means that I will need to take some medicine later on in the pregnancy so that if the babies blood comes in contact with mine, I don't produce antigens.

The best part? I don't have to go back for a whole month! Maybe after that appointment the sushi place next to the doctor's office will actually be open and I will be able to get some avocado maki!

35% Done!

14 weeks today. Greg said if I said 7/20 of the way done that the fraction would confuse people. We are both very eager to meet our little someone.

Even though the midwife said that I could go back to work, I am still having stomach pains and extremely low energy. But every once in a while hunger continues to make surprise appearances. I am also used to operating at 110 mph most of the time, so being low energy and tiring easily is relatively new for me.

Tomorrow I go back to work for the first time since 2010 started. It has been 3 weeks, which isn't too long for most people, but an eternity for the under 5 set. I still think it will be a challenging day and probably a challenging week. I am hoping that is bearable and that I am able to keep up with regular eating, keep the vomiting at bay and not lose any of the weight I worked so hard to gain.

My coworkers are funny people. Not funny haha, but funny odd and possibly in need of social skills training. At least two people have emailed me tasks to do while I have been home or asked if I could do those tasks for them when I returned. My principal emailed me and said nothing except "your class misses you terribly" He didn't address the email or even bother to sign his name. One person sent me a get well card with a handwritten message of "I miss seeing you in the bathroom". "Get well soon" usually works pretty well. And really, if you know someone who is out sick for an extended period of time, DO NOT email them tasks to do. Okay, I am going to try to keep the rant to a minimum.

Enjoy the remainder of the weekend.

+3!

We went to our appointment today with the midwife. I am so excited to have gained three measly pounds! But still, gaining anything is way better than losing anything at this point in the game. So hooray! My blood pressure went up a little too, which is also good because it got really low for a while.

It is also helping that I haven't vomited in a whole week. I don't want to jinx myself here but I am hoping that the vomit free weeks can continue.

I still am nauseous through much of the day and I still tire easily, but I am going to try to go back to on Monday. I am a little nervous about that since I have missed three full weeks. If I am not vomiting though and I gained a little weight, I have to at least try. If working doesn't work, I see the doctor on Wednesday. If I suddenly start vomiting again or lose weight, I am sure that he will write me out when I see him then.

Finally, I have to some blood work repeated. One of the thyroid functioning tests came back on the lower than normal side. It could just be from the excessive vomiting and lack of eating that was happening when the original tests were done, but they want to make sure.

Keep the prayers coming!

Tuning the corner??!?!?!

Yesterday, I had this strange feeling on and off all day. Maybe you are familiar with the sensation. My stomach was rumbling and actually craving food. Hopefully, that is a sign of more good days to come, a little bit of weight gain and the beginning of finally kicking the first trimester suckiness in the butt!

Stay tuned!

So, How are you

I am 13 weeks pregnant today. It has been a rough start, a really rough and somewhat traumatic start thus far. I am hoping and praying that the second semester is less intense.

Because it has been rough and I have great friends and family, many people are really concerned. Sometimes though, I am feeling so stinking lousy that I just don't want to talk about my health or how I am feeling. Sometimes, I want to hear about other people and their issues. I care about people and what is happening with them and sometimes I just need to be distracted from myself.

So here is a synopsis.

I have lost a significant amount weight. I was extremely disheartened this past Friday to go to the midwife and learn that I have lost even more weight even though I am really trying to eat every two hours. Trying to eat every two hours when you really could care less about food is a challenge of and in itself. Finding things to eat that are appealing (or at least not nausea-inducing) is another challenge. But I was doing it and I have the food logs to prove it. I also was sad to learn that I am continuing to burn through my stored fat.

So I am out of work, still. I have been out of work since the end of December, then hit school vacation week and haven't gone back in the new year. This is very hard for me too. Some parts of me understand that this is what I need to do for myself and my child. Other parts feel like I am failing at my job, like I am letting countless people down by not going. I mean if I can't function enough to get dressed or get off the couch, how am I going to go and survive a work day? Also, I need to gain some pounds and probably burn a good amount of calories in a typical work day so.... (When I wore my pedometer to work last year on a typical day, it logged close to 11,000 steps!)

Anyway, the midwife advises me to continue to seek out high calorie foods and to continue to eat and drink as often as possible. I suck at gaining weight. Some of you may remember when I tried to gain weight before my wedding by eating an absurd amount of soy ice cream. She also recommended that I have a phone consultation with a nutritionist. Lots of rest and eat what ever is appealing. I have to go back next Friday so warm thoughts or prayers are greatly appreciated.

Oh, despite my struggles, the baby seems to be okay. On ultrasound 2 weeks ago it was about the right size and this past Friday we could hear the heartbeat. The heartbeat sounded amazingly strong, quick and regular. Go Baby!

That is how I am and how we are doing. If you try to talk to me and I am vague or trying to change the subject, don't take it personally. I will try to post updates here often so check back regularly.